


He Almost Kissed Him

by FeralSnufkin



Series: I Ache [4]
Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: It's time for Sad Boi Hours, Light Angst, M/M, Moomin is clueless, One-Sided Attraction, Snufkin Angst, Snufkin is smitten, The Author Regrets Everything, this one killed me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 07:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18890422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralSnufkin/pseuds/FeralSnufkin
Summary: Snufkin needed to stop letting Moomin too close to him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Being near makes it ache harder.





	He Almost Kissed Him

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this one hurt me a lot. I swear Sam Smith knows exactly what Snufkin is feeling. I've been blasting sad songs and all his songs seem to play when I'm writing Moomin fan fiction. 
> 
> Song of choice for this fan fiction: I Know I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith

Snufkin invited Moomin into his tent more often when the Winter was coming. He remembered one Spring finding Moomin's fur in his pillowcase and the memory always made him smile. As the months went by and the Spring changed to Summer and then the Summer heat died down to cold, Moomin got antsy. He knew their time together was ending and Moomin hated it. He could see it in the way Moomin's shoulders slumped and his feet lingered when he knew he should be going home soon. 

So, Snufkin let him stay more often. He couldn't ignore that sad face Moomin pulled no matter how much he wanted to. He was getting weaker as the years passed. A small frightened part of him wondered if there would come a time when he wouldn't be able to leave at all without guilt consuming him. But he knew better. Moomin always let him go, even if he didn't want him to leave. He'd put on a brave face and Snufkin would fall in love all over again. 

It was getting colder now. They could both feel it in their bones. Moomin brought a small blanket into his tent when he came to see him. It smelled like the Moomin House and the soap Moominmamma used to clean. Moomin snuggled underneath it, making shadow puppets for Snufkin's stories in the light of the lantern. They'd been doing it for hours now. Snufkin was in the middle of a story about a fire breathing man when Moomin started going off script. 

"There weren't any turtles in this story." He said staring at the turtle Moomin was making in the lantern lights. 

Moomin giggled. "What about butterflies?" He changed the shadow puppet. 

Snufkin snorted. "No, I don't remember giant butterflies either. At least not up north. I have a story about the butterflies to the south east if you'd like to hear it." 

Moomin pulled his hands away from the lantern. “You always have such wonderful stories to tell. They make me want to go out into the world and see what there is to see.”

“You should.” Snufkin said, laying down. “There’s more to the world than MoominValley.”

“Then why do you come back?”

Snufkin froze. A warm blush passed over his face and he was thankful it couldn't be seen in the night. 'I come back because you're here' would be too much to say. There would be too many questions. “Moomin Valley has its charms.” He decided to say instead. He wasn’t lying. Moomin Valley was one of the most amazing places he’d found in his travels. It wasn’t the real reason he came back every Spring but he'd keep the real reason to himself.

His reason for staying sat across from him with a thoughtful look on his face. “I suppose,” Moomin said. “But isn’t there other places to go?”

“Do you want me to leave?” Snufkin asked, sitting up.

“No!” The shout scared them both. Moomin coughed. “I like having you here. _We_ like having you here.” He corrected. “Moomin Valley wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Snufkin thought about it. “Yes it would.” He said. “You’d all go back to the way things were before I came. You’d settle down eventually and have your own kiddies who explore Moomin Valley. You wouldn’t even realize I was gone.” It was the nature of things. 

Silence passed but it wasn’t thoughtful or comforting. Snufkin looked up. His eyes widened. “Moomin, are you crying?”

Moomin sniffled, a deep frown marring his soft features. “Now you listen here, Snufkin.” He pointed a finger at him. “You’re as much a part of Moomin Valley as any of us. Would it be the same without Sniff? Or Snork Maiden? Or Little My? No. Because we all have to be together to make Moomin Valley special.” 

“I’m sorry, my dove.” Snufkin didn’t know what to say to reassure him. He cupped Moomin’s face, wiping the tear streaks in his fur.

Moomin’s hands came up to take his wrists. His eyes were wet and heartbreaking. “You mean so much to me, Snufkin. I need you to know that.”

Snufkin stared down at Moomin. White hot fear coursed through him. This was what he’d always feared. Getting attached to a place was like being caged but he hadn’t noticed until it was too late. He was a resident of Moomin Valley and the thought made him want to run. His love for Moomin made him want to run. He couldn’t be tied down. He couldn’t have an address to come back to.

But he did.

His home was whereever Moomin was and it was the most frustrating thing in the world. Moomin had wormed his way into Snufkin’s heart and made a home there for the both of them.

Only, Snufkin wanted something Moomin didn’t. He wanted all of him in whatever way Moomin would give. He loved him so much it scared him and here he was so close to him. "I'm sorry." Snufkin’s eyes trailed down until he saw Moomin’s mouth. It would be fuzzy to kiss him. Like kissing a peach. It would be as sweet too.

His hand came up to cup Moomin’s cheek closer. He loved running his hands through the troll’s fur. "I shouldn't have said that."

"But you felt it." Moomin said. "I didn't know you felt that way. Is that why you always leave me?"

Snufkin's heart clenched. "No," Moomin's fur was always softer than he anticipated it would be. He stroked his thumb over Moomin's cheek. "You're the reason I always come back." His finger caught the edge of Moomin's lips. 

"Snufkin?" Moomin said. 

Snufkin caught himself as he was leaning in. Moomin was staring at him with a confused expression. Snufkin pulled away as if he'd burned him. "You're my best friend, Moomin." He said, quickly. "Of course I come back to see you. You said it yourself. Moomin Valley wouldn't be the same without me. I can't abandon you all." He scooted away from Moomin. 

Moomin looked at the space between them. "Snufkin, are you alright?" 

"I'm fine." The words came out sharper than he meant them. He stared at the lantern.

Moomin rubbed his cheek where Snufkin had been touching him. His eyebrows furrowed. "Is there something on my face?"

"Not anymore. I got it." The lie came easy enough even if it tasted like bitter berries in Snufkin's mouth. He looked over to the flaps of the tent. "It's getting late." 

Moomin looked outside. “You’re right. I should be getting home.” His voice was just as reluctant as Snufkin expected.

The chill of the night ran deeper when Moomin opened the tent. Neither of them commented on it but they didn’t need to to have the conversation. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” Moomin asked.

Snufkin nodded. He wasn’t leaving tomorrow. He would stay for another day or so.

Moomin left with a small goodnight and Snufkin turned off the lantern. He gazed into the darkness. He shouldn't have done that. He'd gotten too close too quickly. Moomin didn't deserve that treatment. The tips of his fingers burned with shame. He blinked when his eyes became misty and laid down before he could think of anything else.

Moomin had left the blanket for him. His fingers curled around it and he pulled it over himself. The warm smell of Moomin House was comforting even if he didn't think he deserved. Sleep didn’t come easily and when he finally wrestled it into submission, Snufkin didn’t dream.

**Author's Note:**

> Four out of Five. I'll see you guys in the last one. The End is in sight. 
> 
> Let me know how what you think of the series so far, I basically live off of comments. Until next time!!


End file.
